So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
