omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
