he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
