I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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