My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
