Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
