Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
