Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I looked at my own cervix.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
