wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
