If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
