If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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