I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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