oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
