is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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