I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She even gives head with a lisp.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
