so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize