My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
