Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
