i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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