so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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