why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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