I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Never underestimate the power of titties
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
