I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
