I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
