How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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