I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
