I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
