if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
