im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
