ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
