In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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