boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
