spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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