People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
