Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I skipped work to stalk him.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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