she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
