This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
