I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize