Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
