dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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