We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
