Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
