Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize