idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
