you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize