you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize