If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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