Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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