Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
