Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize