The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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