New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
