The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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