My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
