before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
