Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
