Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
