May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
