my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
