My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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