Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
