if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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