Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
apparently the secret to your success is patron
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
