Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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