I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
