I looked at my own cervix.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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