if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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