to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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