I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
