I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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