so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
