Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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